4. For question #2, what did you do differently from the original post? Please outline, explain and justify what you changed & why. Essentially, what did you learn from this new topic and what did you change and why. (8 Marks)
Plain language in a nutshell • Common, everyday words • “You” and other pronouns • Write directly to reader • The active voice • Short sentences • Be positive where possible
(Briscoe, W8 – A – Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 22).
Old version: Regular text
New version: Bold text
Welcome to EcoPureGoods!
Welcome to EcoPureGoods!
(unchanged)
At EcoPureGoods, we believe in cleaning your home with products that are as good for you as they are for the planet.
At EcoPureGoods, we believe in cleaning your home with products that are good for you and the planet.
Explanation: For the first changed element, i followed the tactic that I used the most throughout the editing process, which was to “Cut down your word count. Remove words that do not add meaning “ (Briscoe, W8 – A – Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 5). In this case. It helped me to avoid confusing my removing repetitive words “as good as” and say what I need to say in as little words as possible.
Our eco-friendly and all natural cleaning supplies are formulated with your health and the environment in mind.
Our cleaning supplies are eco-friendly, all-natural, and made with your health and the environment in mind.
Explanation: Here, I also followed the method of removing words that do not add value. (Briscoe, W8 – B – Plain Language Writing Tips (W25).pdf, Slide 5). I also prioritized keeping keywords and phrases that match the search intent and language of my audience, like “eco-friendly, all-natural” (Briscoe, W8 – Writing Website Copy & Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 26). This allowed me to stay SEO optimized but still cut down on words.
Why choose EcoPureGoods?
- Non-toxic Ingredients
- Sustainable Packaging
- Clean and Effective
Why choose EcoPure?
- Non-toxic
- Sustainable
- Clean
Explanation: Here, I just removed the extra words at the end of the bullet points, making this easier to read and getting the main benefits of EcoPureGoods across to my readers in as little words as possible.
Cleaner, Greener, Safer
Cleaner, Greener & Safer
Explanation: I replaced the third “,” with an “&” sign to avoid repetition and confusion.
With EcoPureGoods, you never have to choose between a clean home and a healthy planet. Our all natural and organic ingredients and product packaging ensure that you and the environment THRIVE with every clean.
With EcoPure, you don’t have to choose between a clean home and a healthy planet. Our all-natural ingredients and packaging help you and the environment thrive.
Explanation: Removing words that don’t add value like “never” just saying packaging instead of “product packaging” and saying help instead of “ensure that” . These changed helped me cut down on my word count but keep the value (Briscoe, W8 – B – Plain Language Writing Tips (W25).pdf, Slide 5).
100% recycled aluminum packaging, helping reduce waste and support sustainability.
100% recycled aluminum packaging reduces waste and supports sustainability.
Explanation: Removed unnecessary “helping reduce” and changed it to “reducing”.
Made With Ingredients You Can Find in Your Kitchen!
Made With Ingredients You Have in Your Kitchen!
Explanation: Replaced “you can find” with “you have” to say what i need to say in as little words as possible.
Yup, that’s right. Most of our products are made from ingredients you probably have in your kitchen cupboard.
Our products are made from simple, natural ingredients like:
Explanation: Removed the unnecessary “Yup, that’s right” because after learning about plain English language, i was able to realize that this doesn’t add any value in this case to my subhead.
- Baking Soda – A powerful natural cleaner that deodorizes and scrubs away dirt and grime.
- Vinegar – A versatile, non-toxic disinfectant that helps cut through grease and remove stains.
- Lemon Juice – Known for its antibacterial properties and fresh scent, it also helps break down grease.
- Castile Soap – A plant-based soap that’s gentle on surfaces but tough on dirt and grime.
- Essential Oils – Used for natural fragrance and their antibacterial and antiseptic properties (lavender, tea tree, or eucalyptus).
- Coconut Oil – A gentle, natural oil that conditions and cleans.
- Baking Soda – Fights dirt and odors
- Vinegar – Cuts through grease and remove stains
- Lemon Juice – Antibacterial with a fresh citrus scent
- Castile Soap – A plant-based soap tough on dirt but gentle on surfaces
- Essential Oils – Natural fragrance & antibacterial properties
- Coconut Oil – A gentle oil that conditions and cleans
Explanation: When editing this, I had to be honest and remove jargon and buzzwords that is unnecessary. (Briscoe, W8 – Writing Website Copy & Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 23) Many words I had in the “before” bullet points were too buzzwordy like “deodorizes” and “antiseptic” when i could just say “fights odors” and “antibacterial”. Another buzzwordy word that I removed was “grime” and only used the word “dirt”.
Making Eco-Friendly Cleaning Easy and Convenient
Eco-Friendly Cleaning Made Easy
Explanation: Saying the exact same thing in as little words as possible
EcoPureGoods makes eco-friendly cleaning easier, more effective, and safer. We’ve perfected our formula to ensure that every product has top-notch cleaning power and lasts longer than typical homemade solutions.
EcoPure makes eco-friendly cleaning easy, effective and safe. Our formulas are strong and last longer than typical homemade solutions, so you get a lasting clean without compromising on sustainability.
Explanation: Removed the words “more”, “top-notch”, “cleaning power” and replaced them with the simplest way to get the point across.
With EcoPureGoods, you get a lasting clean without compromising on sustainability.
- Ready-to-use, no mixing or measuring.
- Designed to stay effective for longer, cutting down on reapplications.
- From 100% recycled aluminum packaging to biodegradable ingredients, we prioritize the planet in every step.
- Ready-to-use
- Stays effective for longer
- Recyclable packaging
- Biodegradable ingredients
Explanation: I was very honest here and realized that bullet points need to be short and concise, otherwise what’s the point of them being bullet points. I removed a lot of copy here and even removed the entire sentence “With EcoPureGoods, you get a lasting clean without compromising on sustainability”, because I was able to tie it into the previous paragraph and avoid repetition.
The EcoPureGoods Difference
The EcoPure Difference
Explanation: I shortened my business name from EcoPureGoods to EcoPure (I did this a few times throughout the editing process) to increase brand recognition and make it easier to read.
The EcoPureGoods clean is powerful, safe, and reliable. For products that leave your home cleaner, greener and safer, EcoPureGoods brings you solutions that work.
EcoPure’s products are powerful, safe, and reliable. For products that leave your home cleaner, greener and safer, switch to EcoPure today!
Explanation: In the last sentence of the post, I removed words and added a call to action top the end to make it more clear to the ready what they should do next. This is valuable because the reader wants to be told what to do next! This helps me be positive and encourage/empower my reader to take the next step towards living a healthier lifestyle Briscoe, W8 – A – Plain Language Writing (W25).pdf, Slide 51).
Leave a Reply